With all disputes, there is emotion, feelings, upset – even tears. When the dispute is matrimonial + involves unrequited love, rejection, loneliness, + financial consequences you are going to be really tested as you encounter emotion – often deep-seated. Nerves can be red raw.
It is a challenge. Something about “keeping your head when all around you are losing theirs” comes to mind. Understand the emotion + feel for the human sadness that it generates but your role is to find a way forward. You are a mediator, not a counsellor. This is the moment in time when you work backwards to a solution. “How do you think this approach will be received…aside from the anger which do you think is the best way forward…will the children benefit if war yields to peace” And more, all designed to focus on better options going forward. There is a moment in time when you need to move the couple away from the angry past + towards a constructive future.
And so much depends on your touch, your feel, your words, your pace. The H+W confidence in you is so important – they have reached a stage in their lives when they are looking to you for guidance, direction, suggestion, solution.
A successful mediation gives you a high. You have helped H+W to focus on solutions, not strife. But, be prepared, – the endings are not always happy. You need your own reserves to stay balanced, reasonable and sane.
25 June Arbitration
Drafting Mind Block