Written by Graham Perry

Graham Perry M.A. Cantab FCIArb Experienced Arbitration Lawyer | China & Chinese Business Affairs | Public Speaker/Lecturer

22 June 2021


You are taking stock. You have had separate first meetings with H+W. You have an understanding of the chronology of the relationship. You sense divorce is divorce with no reconciliation option.
You are with H again. You are still exploring, still building a picture. But you need to go further – again gently but no question you do have to probe. What is the family lifestyle? – private/public education, holidays? And, a little later, you allow yourself the observation that divorce is for the very rich or the very poor – families in-between are usually financially squeezed. Don’t press it, just let it hang. It will be noted.
So more exploration with H – still the gentle “tell me a little more” approach. What is his work? How does he see things going forward? Does W work? Does she have aspirations? You also need to ascertain whether there are any specific health problems – for H, W, and the children. All are part of the mix including any grandparent issues – essential information but avoid the Questionnaire Approach. No clipboard with ticks + crosses.
This is still the Artichoke Approach – gently removing leaves one by one + always building confidence. So, nothing jarring or awkward. Are you as the Mediator up to this? You may know about the theory of mediation + the theory works but only if you have the vision, the sensitivity, + the awareness to advance the process and help H + W + the children. How good are you?




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