GOOD MORNING FROM LONDON 

Life is a challenge – every day. Things go wrong. We make mistakes. Other people make mistakes. Events intervene. It recalls the well -known response of Prime Minister Harold Macmillan when asked “What is your main problem?”. He replied “Events”. A cliché perhaps but we do not know what is coming round the corner. 

 What are we like under pressure? What happens when we are provoked? Or when we do the “provoking”. Sometimes we go out of our way to be provocative – a dig here, a wind up there – all designed to stir the pot. 

I am jumping to Politics but for the purpose of making a point about temperament. Let’s contrast the late Robin Day with the late Brian Walden – both well known questioners of leading politicians. Day had a style. He was one of the first. It was part of his appearance – with his powerful spectacles and a very prominent forehead. It spelt trouble. It was trouble. And politicians knew they were defeated if they went to war with him. He wanted confrontation and it made for good television – not necessarily good politics but that is another matter for another occasion. Day’s bosses wanted ratings and he delivered. 

Walden’s style was quite different. “Thankyou Minister for your reply. I wonder if I could press you on the point you made…” Walden was gentle with a pleasant smile but he knew he was turning the knife. He knew he had a chance to make a real impact on an issue that the interviewed personality wanted to avoid. But it was done with charm, respect and without hectoring or provocation. Walden knew that if he raised the right point in the right way he was going to catch his quarry. 

Too often people believe that they have to resort to disdain even contempt to elicit a response. The temperature rises, the speed of verbal delivery increases, the interruptions multiply and it all makes for good television. 

But is it good politics? Is it elucidating the issue? Does it provide the viewer with clarification or is it just a good slanging match?  

Ego comes into the frame – on both sides. The interviewer often wants to appear as the Grand Inquisitor – the Edward Carson QC provoking and ultimately destroying the Oscar Wilde. And again, it makes for good viewing figures which in the world of competitive ratings is the ultimate measure of success.  

But the Brian Waldens of this world are to be preferred. Step by step they peel off the leaves of the artichoke until they are left with the succulent essence – the crucial clarification of a key political issue. 

We can learn a lesson from Brian Walden as we sit across the dinner table on a Saturday evening. Keep cool. Be methodical. Stay focused and remember your goal is to get to the heart of the difference. Don’t look to humiliate. No trophies are awarded. And the Dinner Table is not the TV studio. Socially we prefer to get on with people. We don’t look for conflict. We don’t accept a Dinner Invitation with the intention of baiting friends. There are further get-togethers. It is preferable for the mood to be soft and gentle rather than aggressive and confrontational. 

It’s up to you. You don’t have to be offensive. Be smart not rude. Save the other person from their own flawed temperament. Keep the exchange positive and pleasant and resist the temptation to land a blow. (But it can be enjoyable when you do!) 

I HAVE BEEN A LITTLE QUIET RECENTLY ON DISPUTE RESOLUTION BUT NOW BACK ON THE JOB.

BEST WISHES

GRAHAM PERRY