GOOD MORNING FROM LONDON

MEDIATION  – #326

A  MALODOROUS  DISPUTE

CONFRONTATION  OR  MEDIATION?

It was a pleasant Tuesday afternoon – the buds were beginning to show through and crocuses broke ranks and coloured the winter landscape. The sun was out – always makes a difference.

William happened to be looking out of his upstairs bedroom window and saw a neighbour from the leafy estate with dog in tow. The neighbour and four legged companion both paused as the collared animal discharged his stomach’s contents on the front garden. William was not bothered. These things happen and owners are now primed to carry a poo bag to collect up the load. Only this time there was no bag and the neighbour simply walked on.

William was incensed and, you might think, rightly so. He was advanced in years and slow to move so chasing after the neighbour and letting rip was not an option. Probably a blessing, thought William. He would have been irate, inflammatory and achieved little more than a full-scale confrontation.

He put on the kettle, laid out a cup and saucer, rearranged the kitchen dishes and just reflected.

What was his next step? Stand outside the front door and give the neighbour an earful as he walked home. Or put out a blast on the neighbourhood’s Whats App line. Or pen an aggressive note and put it through the neighbour’s post box.

Actually he did none of these things and instead switched on the television and caught up with the most recent episode of Hilary Mantle’s WolfHall.

At least he did not have Cromwell’s problems.

He returned to the issue later that evening. He was calmer, wiser, more reflective. He was thinking of; solutions not confrontations and he realized he was not the person to deal with this provocative interlude. He rang up the Chair of the Neighbourhood Committee and told him what had happened. The Chair said “Leave it with me”. And William did. He knew good would come of it. The Chair was a problem solver, a natural reconciler. He was the well-regarded Chair for good reason. He had a temper but no one had ever seen it. He could be testy but it would be squeezed out by his pleasant manner.

Two things happened. That night, unknown to George, the neighbour returned and cleared up the unwelcome discharge. At the same time the neighbour delivered a handwritten note of apology. It was more than just “Sorry”. It was fulsome.

George was now on the back foot – pleased that the Chair had done well .but wondering whether he had made too much of a fuss. The neighbour had come out late at night on a winter’s evening with poo bag and garden spray in hand to repair any lingering marks. The neighbour who had been at fault was now a Knight in Shining Armour.

We know our strengths but we need to know our weaknesses as well. We know our rights but we need to know our responsibilities. We need passion and feeling but we also need reflection and objectivity. And when we are right we need to look beyond the present and think how our actions will impact on the future.

A few days later, George, unthinkingly, stepped onto a pedestrian crossing causing the approaching driver to slam on the breaks. George immediately blustered an apology of words. “Don’t worry”, said the driver. “Hope you are OK”. It was the neighbour. Peace had broken out.

OK – this is a simple low key neighbour dispute resolved with the intervention of a solution-oriented Chair. But isn’t it common sense? And if it is, why then can’t we pre-empt and solve problems? And the Answer is – Life is not simple. It really isn’t. It requires large dosages of  straightforward common sense to overcome Ego and Self. And the dosages are not there.

GRAHAM PERRY. 

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