GOOD MORNING FROM LONDON

DISPUTE RESOLUTION – #319

WHY NEIGHBOURS FLARE UP EPISODE #1 – WHO WE ARE

It happens all the time. A small thing leads to a big thing. Suddenly there is a set piece confrontation. Eyes glower. Civilities have flown out of the window. Niceties have gone missing. Anger, revenge and confrontation are the order of the day.

We can all dig deep and find some experience that fits the above moments in life. Calm people can become angry people. Quietly spoken individuals suddenly give vent to a volley of abuse and shout out words that have always been outside their norms of language. The relaxed intake of breath is replaced by hurried gasps of air as blood pressure rises and palpitations surge.

Doing your favourite crossword with a warm cup of tea – maybe with Mozart playing in the background seems a hundred thousand miles away. You have changed. Quiet, calm and personable – our usual form of behaviour – the way we usually are. Gone and replaced by angry glances, mumbled sentences and walking up and down with steps closer to stamping than to tiptoe, 

And the head? Working overtime as it creates scenarios of getting even, revenge, striking a blow (metaphorically of course) righting the wrong, We become people we do not recognise. Our persona changes. We bark – we don’t talk. We listen but we do not hear. We are in a frenzy. The blue touch paper has been truly lit. You are out of control.

It is rare. Normally we are calm, rational, reflective. We think things over. We see things from both sides of the argument. We wear our own shoes and we swap them for the other person’s shoes. We try to be balanced, fair-minded, honest. We focus on objectivity not subjectivity. We think of the other side as well as ourselves. We recognise our own mistakes at the same time as seeing the mistakes of the other side. We apply Give and Take. We think selflessly as well as selfishly. We take a puff of the pipe and revert to being wise, dispassionate, calm and pleasant.

And then something happens – a misplaced word, a ring at the door, a ball bouncing against the window, the final straw and quick as flash you have become agitated even turbulent. You need action. You want revenge. Thoughts of mediation gone.

EPISODE 2 – THE NEIGHBOUR’S FOOTBALL

GRAHAM PERRY